How I Almost Fell In Love; Of Breakfasts and shitty almost-relationships.

(Based on actual events, except the untrue parts.👀 )

Hiya! Yard Girl here! 

I promised to write back, and here I am! 

Before I begin, I'd like to say that I love Love, I love to see relationships that work, and I like to be constantly reassured that I am not crazy to want to get it right in choosing a partner.

When I tell people my relationship status, they first doubt me and then proceed to name all my qualities, reaffirming how improbable it is for me to still be single.

I'm not single because I want to. Scratch that, now that I think about it, I am single because I want to be. This thing called settling, because I can't afford to not have someone call me 'babe', is not for me.

In this brief blog post, I'll share my honest, random thoughts on relationships. You might not agree with everything you read, and that's okay. 

Let's dive right in!

The Gist

I almost fell in Love some time ago. I thought I had met 'The One'. It felt great, really. This wasn't just some silly internet dating thingy. We had met in person once, and he seemed interesting, very intelligent, and funny. Long and short, we were in a 'serious' talking stage for FOUR  MONTHS, and I casually found out that he was MARRIED with an 8-month-old daughter. 

I try not to remember how I felt when I found out, and how he reacted wasn't even what I expected. (I'm not even sure what I even wanted his reaction to be.) But I felt crushed and terrible.

What if his wife found out? What if she embarrassed me? What if the relationship got more serious? How long was he going to keep at it for? How did I not find out sooner? 

So many questions….

About this Love Thing....

This love thing is so complicated, interesting, and sweet. I wish there were a guide to navigating it once and for all, so we can put an end to heartbreaks.

When it comes to Love and relationships, it's essential to pursue what genuinely brings you happiness and peace. (Please leave people's husbands and wives out of this equation.) Love is supposed to be enjoyed, not endured. If it's not working, it's in your best interest to move on; otherwise, you'll hurt yourself more.

Most of the time, people see obvious red flags and blatantly ignore them. To them, if you squint, the red flag isn't red, it's pink! (according to Ifiemi) 

It is not okay to ignore red flags in a relationship. Imagine a relationship where you have 0.1% trust for your partner, you are constantly insecure and in distress, trying to figure out what exactly is going on with them. Or a relationship where you are constantly crying. Are you dating an onion??

The truth is, most relationships are built for social media PDA and vibes. As long as the person fits your TikTok image (i.e., they are beautiful or handsome enough), you're good to go. You are not actually in Love with them, you are in Love with the IDEA of them. It looks all good on the Gram, but offline, you fit dey chop beating.

The one that irks me the most is how people see dating as very casual. Some people have never been single before, not because they have been in a consistent relationship, but because they cannot bear the thought of being single. A relationship hides their insecurities and they think they need to be loved by an opposite gender -no matter how toxic the situation is- to feel complete. This stems from a deep emotional issue in the past that they have refused to address and heal from completely.

This tweet describes my honest take on dating and commitments.

 

Communication is essential. A relationship without communication would never work. How do you cope with not communicating with a person you claim to love for two whole days or even a day? No calls, no texts. Wow! That's an obvious red flag.

On Being Single....

It's like social media is a setup. The first thing I see when I open my Instagram is a reel from either Yabaleft or Krakstv, featuring a Couple. No, good morning. Nothing, straight up. I'm using TikTok to regain my sanity and open Twitter. The first tweet I see. I saw this on a Sunday morning. Hayy God!!

For goodness' sake, you people don't eat or do other things? Everybody just dey do Love. 🙂

Let's not even talk about the endless talking stages. Urgghh! Last week, I snapped and created a PDF of basic details and interesting things about myself, titled 'Get To Know Me 101'. I was honestly tired of talking to new people and starting the same conversation over and over.

Click here to get the free template, and thank me later.

Singlehood is lonely and also enjoyable. You are literally caught between not having to apologize for falling asleep and the pressing need to have someone to call and rant about how stressed you are, because Nigeria is a crazy place, and you need literal forehead kisses to set you on track. Lol. 

Being single can sometimes make you scared to believe that something good is happening to you. If you feel this way, I want to say that it is totally normal. It's crazy out there, and you are right to want to knowpreciselyy what you are getting into (note to self)

Like;

Are you single, or are you just angry at your girlfriend or boyfriend? 

Are you married or something? (Because Urhobo men are wicked❗🤲)

Is this a friends-with-benefits arrangement or a situational relationship? Read my blog post on relationtrips.

Is this a 'let's see how it goes' kind of thing (I hate this actually)

Just make it clear from the start, set your boundaries, and know where you stand in people's lives. Assumptions will hurt you in the long run.

Let's Wrap This Up! Aske mentioned earlier, I think it's lovely and beautiful to know that good things happen to good people. 

Also, if you are single, there's nothing wrong with you; you are totally fine and will remain so forever, and Amen.

Be intentional about the people you let into your life and the energy you share with them. 

 

Don't be pressured into just dating anyone; otherwise, you'll end up with someone you don't like.

For relationships, it can be beautiful, and it shouldn't be forced. Your partner should be your best friend, and if that isn't the case, that's a red flag. 

But what do I know? Haisha, ha. I'm a person, not eligible to give relationship advice. 

Side-Note:

I'd rather eat jeans than admit my feelings to a man again. 🤲🏾

So;

What are obvious red flags you would never ignore in a relationship?

Are you single? How does it feel? How do you handle the pressure?

Have you been served breakfast before? How was it served? Hot or cold?

Are you currently in a relationship? Awwww! How is it going?

Love to see it!

Give me the whole gist? Choke me with your comments, you know I love to read your thoughts.

You can also email me at efemenacelyn@gmail.com.. I promise to respond as soon as possible.

Love, 

Yard Girl 💜

P.S;

The Cavemen didn't help me write this weekend, either. This blog post almost did not come through.😂

I'm in LOVE with Rema's new album, 'Rave & Roses.' Time N Affection Ft Chris Brown is my fav