How I Almost Fell In Love; Of Breakfasts and shitty almost-relationships.

(Based on true events, except the untrue parts.👀 )

Hiya! Yard Girl here! 

I promised to write back and here I am! 

Before I begin, I’d like to say that I love Love, I love to see relationships that work and I like to be constantly reassured that I am not crazy to want to get it right in choosing a partner.

When I tell people my relationship status, they first doubt me and then proceed to name all my qualities and reaffirm how impossible the probability of me being still single is.

I’m not single because I want to. Now that I think of it, I am single because I want to. This thing called settling because I can’t afford to not have someone call me ‘babe’ is not for me.

In this not very long blog post, I'll be sharing my honest random thoughts on relationships. You might not agree with everything you read and that's okay. 

Let's dive right in!

The Gist

I almost fell in love some time ago. I thought I had met ‘The One’. It felt great, really. This wasn’t just some silly internet dating thingy. We had met physically once and he seemed pretty interesting, very intelligent, and foinee. Long and short, we were in a ‘serious’ talking stage for FOUR  MONTHS, and I casually found out that he was MARRIED with an 8-month old daughter. 

I try not to remember how finding out made me feel and how he reacted wasn’t even what I expected. (I’m not even sure what I even wanted his reaction to be) But I felt crushed and terrible.

What if his wife found out? What if she embarrassed me? What if the relationship got more serious? How long was he going to keep at it for? How did I not find out sooner? 

So many questions….

About this Love Thing....

This love thing is so complicated, interesting, and sweet. I wish there was a guide to navigating it once and for all, so we can put an end to heartbreaks.

With this love and relationship thing: I think you should go for what makes you genuinely happy and at peace (Sha leave people’s husband/wife out of this equation.) What I mean is, I believe love is supposed to be enjoyed not endured. If it's not working, it's in your best interest to just move on, else you hurt yourself more.

Most times people see obvious red flags and blatantly ignore them. To them, if you squint the red flag isn't red, it's pink! (according to Ifiemi) 

Well, it is not okay to avoid red flags in a relationship. Imagine a relationship where you have 0.1% trust for your partner, you are constantly insecure and in distress trying to figure out what exactly is going on with them. Or a relationship where you are constantly crying. Are you dating an onion??

The truth is most relationships are built for social media PDA and vibes. As long as the person fits into your TikTok image (beautiful or handsome enough) you are good to go. You are not actually in love with them, you are in love with the IDEA of them. It looks all good on the Gram, but offline, you fit dey chop beating.

The one that irks me the most is how people see dating as very casual. Some people have never been single before not because they have been with a consistent partner but because they cannot bear to be single. A relationship hides their insecurities and they think they need to be loved by an opposite gender -no matter how toxic the situation is- to feel complete. I think this stems from some deep emotional issue in the past that they have refused to deal with and heal completely from.

This tweet describes my honest take on dating and commitments.

 

I also think communication is very important. I don't think a relationship without communication would ever work. How do you cope with not communicating with a person you claim to love for two whole days or even a day! No calls, no text. Wow! That's an obvious red flag.

On Being Single....

It's like social media is a setup. The first thing I see when I open my IG is a reel on either Yabaleft or Krakstv, of a Couple. No Good Morning, nothing, straight-up couples Tiktok.

I try to regain my sanity and open Twitter. The first tweet I see. I saw this on a Sunday morning. Hayy God!!

Fgs, you people don't eat or do other stuff? Everybody just dey do love. 🙂

Let's not even talk about the endless talking stages. Urgghh! Last week, I snapped and created a PDF of basic details/interesting things about myself and titled it 'Get To Know Me 101'. I was honestly tired of talking to new people and starting the same conversation over and over.

Click here to get the free template and thank me later.

Single hood is lonely and also enjoyable. You are literally caught between not having to apologize for falling asleep, and the pressing need to have someone to call and rant about how stressed you are, because Nigeria is a crazy place and you need lirru forehead kisses to set you on track. Lol. 

Also being single sometimes makes you scared to believe that something good is happening to you. If you feel this way, I want to say that it is totally normal. It's crazy out there and you are right to want to know exactly what you are getting into (note to self)

Like;

Are you single or you are just angry at your girlfriend/boyfriend? 

Are you married or something? (Because Urhobo men are wicked❗🤲)

Is this a friends-with-benefits thingy or a situationship? Read my blog post on relationtrips.

Is this a 'lets see how it goes' kind of thing (I hate this actually)

Just make it clear from the start, set your boundaries and know where you stand in people's lives, assumptions will only  hurt you in the long run.

Let's Wrap This Up!

Like I said earlier, I love love and it's beautiful to know that good things happen to good people. 

Also if you are single, there's nothing wrong with you, you are totally fine and still a spec forever and Amen.

Be intentional about the people you let into your life and the energy you give out too. 

 

Don't be pressured to just date anyone, else you date rubbish.

For relationships, it can be beautiful and it shouldn't be forced, your partner should be your best friend and if that isn't the case, that's a red flag. 

But what do I know sha, I am a single Pringle and not eligible to give relationship advice. 

Side-Note:

I'd rather eat jeans than admit my feelings to a man again. 🤲🏾

So;

What are obvious red flags you would never ignore in a relationship?

Are you single? How does it feel? How do you handle the pressure?

Have you been served breakfast before? How was it served? Hot or cold?

Are you currently in a relationship? Awwww! How is it going?

Love to see it!

Give me the whole gist? Choke me with your comments, you know I love to read your thoughts.

You can also mail me at efemenacelyn@gmail.com I promise to respond ASAP!

Love, 

Yard Girl 💜

Attaches photo of a soft baby girl*

P.S;

The Cavemen didn't help me write this weekend oo!. This blog post almost did not come through.😂

I'm in LOVE with Rema's new album, 'Rave & Roses.' Time N Affection Ft Chris Brown is my fav