Yard Girl

  Hi!!! Welcome to August!  Today, I want to pour out my heart on an issue that has always bothered me. Read and be blessed. Let's dive right in, shall we? RELATIONSHIPS So, here is how it goes. Boy meets girl on social media, through a friend, or at a random event. They are intrigued by each other and may go through days, weeks, months, and even years of the notorious "talking stage."  Bam! They fall in love and get boo'd up, posting pictures to pepper single people. This is so cute, but I have an observation, how do these relationship goals people take pictures of them cuddled up in bed, playing arcade or PS5? It makes me wonder if relationships these days come with a complimentary photographer. Away from this, it's blissful; they become partners, friends, lovers. It's lovely to watch, and they get to join the 'how it started vs. how it's going' trend, and we see how amazing they have grown, and we shout God When!  These relationships are blis...

I hadn't received holy communion in a long while, I just had to receive it today, something kept pulling me and I didn't realize that I was in front of the altar, palms ready to receive the body and blood of Christ. My mind was playing games on me, the priest looked exactly like the man I murdered last week. I blinked multiple times, it was him! Giving holy communion to parishioners, I tried to stand, but my body betrayed me, it felt like my knees were fixed to the ground. I looked up at the life-sized crucifix of the brunette Jesus Christ, it looked like the painted blood was actually flowing from his side, I bowed my head. ****** “Guy, I'm telling you, this is the last job you'll do for me. This is a special order bro, the pay is good, it will set you up for life” Ifechukwu was trying to convince me to do one more job after I plainly told him I was done when I collected my last paycheck. My last job was a clean one, it was my last, I wanted to be my last,...

I never thought I would do this. This isn't even on my list of 20 crazy things to do before I'm 25 -Yes I've got a list- But hey! Life happens, here I am shopping for the perfect dress to crash a wedding. You are shocked? Chill I'll give you the gist. I met Kelvin at a friend's wedding reception. We were seated at the same table, this friend was a  distant acquaintance, I just had to attend so I wouldn't labelled bad belle. Unfortunately, my womanity suprised me, after I looked all peng! Cramps threatened to rip my dress apart. Whilst the couple was making an entrance into the hall, I could barely stand for few seconds, the cramps pulled me down to my seat ( the perks of being female🙄)  He sat down, pulled his chair closer to mine.         "Hey you good? Jesus! His voice, I almost died, I caught myself.   "Yeah, I'm good, just a little feminine ish" I rolled my eyes. He chuckled "Oh I totally understand...

E veryone who lived on Sixth Street was scared of the abandoned house, rumour had it that the owners of the house placed it under a curse, and the last family that lived in the house died mysteriously,  all found suspended from the ceiling fan in different rooms. Suicide!  I would boast to my friends that one day my dad would rent a house near the abandoned house and nothing would happen to us, I was thrilled with the mere fact of the house being supposedly haunted. So when dad announced we were moving out of our comfortable 3-bedroom apartment, I was super excited I'd thought my dreams were finally coming true. Our new house on the sixth street in front of the abandoned house was different, there was no running water, it had only two rooms which were a little too small, one which I now had to share with my sister, the parlor was the size of my former bedroom. It was uncomfortable, but dad explained, that he did not have enough money, so we had to manage the new tiny ho...

I hated washing Papa's car, it was the most stressful and frustrating of all chores, I chose to wash the dishes over the car, but papa would never let me, the most frustrating part was that he would make me wash the car over and over, it was an upbeat Volkswagen, it wasn't special but my old man valued it over us, his children. I washed the car, grumbling under my breath, papa stood outside, yelling at how ungrateful I was and how I'd missed a spot. He ordered me to wash the car for the next hour and went back into the house, I  thought he was bluffing. Immediately I heard the sound of his room door shut, I strolled to the mango and lay down on papa's ancient recliner.  Wham! Wham! Two missiles landed on my face. Papa shouted "stupid boy! I go inside for two seconds and you are the owner of the house?" I fought to hold back the tears, he went inside, I wasn't a bastard to continue resting, I got back to washing the car. Eguavon my cousin who came...

You know hot pepper soup, the type that makes you want to strip, the type that makes your tongue go up in flames literally. Yes, that one! I was in this pepper soup. I had just finished my exams and I was super excited, the semester had been stressful, I had lost weight, I looked like a hot mess, I really just needed a touch of home. I packed my bags, I was heading back home but not straight to my father's house. No, I wanted to be pampered not caged immediately, I was going to stay the weekend with the LOML before I got home. This was risky business, dad was almost always in Warri, but I didn't care, love they say is blind but mine was blind and was bound to land me in trouble. I suspected Loml was having an affair, so he spent the entire weekend proving to me how much he loved me, I foolishly believed him. I was high on cheap love. Even though he stepped out a couple of times to answer "strange" calls and I saw a female underwear that wasn't mine in t...

February 14th 2019. Dear Diary, not to be a bother but I really am depressed today. Soji broke up with me last month and as much as I try to bury myself in work and read "moving on" quotes, it hurts, it hurts as hell. Two days later after I unblocked him, I check his profile and see a picture of an annoyingly beautiful lady. I made a  5 minute long voice note but deleted it, next day I see a post from him, a picture of him and 'miss beautiful' with the caption, "One month till forever💜" what was happening? Trying to figure out what was happening made my heart hurt more blocking him on the blue app would be shooting myself in the leg, I still wanted to be in the loop about what was going on with him, a stupid feeling but I still cared about him. Karina described my love for Soji as an unending damnation, I concluded that she could never understand why I loved him, how I loved him because she was the vice president of "God when foundation", l...

When Papa was alive he kept all four of his daughters under his watchful eagle eyes. Of all his daughters, he referred to me as the bomb which was bound to go off at any moment. I was a bit fiesty I wanted to do the things my brothers did for him and even more, wash the car, fix the generator. Chiebuka my older brother would run off to Papa and announce to him that I had once again climbed up the udara tree in front of our compound, papa would run outside scream my name and call mama , immediately I got down from the tree, abuses, blows and slaps were showered on me. My name is Obiageli. I really hated my name even though my friends said my name would attract the right man for me -She who has come to enjoy- I'm sure papa had that in mind when he arranged for Nduka, the secondary school teacher to marry me. Papa was aghast when I said I wouldn't marry Nduka, "Why? he asked, Nduka is successful, he earns good money as a teacher and he is a noble man, what else coul...

I sat on my bathroom floor, crying. I had fallen in and out of love for the fifth time this year. Maybe I was cursed o! Just look at! First it was David, he was the perfect gentleman or so I thought, we had gone on countless dates, half of the campus knew him and I was super excited to "be" with him. I never really knew what intrigued me more, being with a public figure or the fact that he was ridiculously handsome. My dear obviously I was leaving in a fool's paradise and I was the last to find out. I was at the salon, seated on a torn sofa waiting to have my hair braided. Seated next to me was a pretty girl, she had the perfect figure, hour-glass, tapered coca cola shape, I almost felt insignificant at a point tho with my skinny legs and Lekpa self but I snapped out of it and continued reading a book on Wattpad. Aunty Coca cola shape was so nosy she literally was reading the book with me and focused more when I would swipe down my notifications bar and replied ...

My joy!. Was what mum called me. I never really knew the meaning of those words, but with the way mum would smile when she called me that, those words became my happy words. Mom detected the symptoms when I was 6. I had already been rejected by several schools. I was unable to communicate with my teachers, I preferred playing alone, I couldn't concentrate in class, couldn't maintain steady eye contact, couldn't hold a pencil. At first she taught I was really slow growing up but that was not it. I was born Autistic. When Mom found out about it, she told Dad, who was away as usual, on one business trip or the other, I couldn't tell what they had told each other, -she spoke in a hushed tone- but I saw mum cry, I never wanted to see mum cry, it made me over-hyper watching her cry. The following weeks saw us attending meetings with different doctors, mum wanted to learn more about "how special I was" (so she said), we visited schools, mum explained to m...

"Ruky! Wake up, it's time to get ready". I was excited, I rode on a cloud to the bathroom, in a few minutes I was ready. Dad gave me a Bible, a daily devotional, some money and " a word of advice". I could swear I saw tears welling up in his eyes. I got in the passenger seat , mom in the driver's seat, said a word of prayer, I crossed myself, off we were to Bayelsa state. That was my first time going somewhere, that was not Benin, again I was excited. It was a long long drive, being the first time, I almost fell asleep but I had to remind myself that this was my first day of being a "big girl" and couldn't afford to miss a moment of this, of course mom was there with a constant reminder of me to master the routes to my school. We arrived Yenegoa, exactly 1pm -I should remember- mom asked directions and she was directed to follow one of the buses at Tombia which with their now-familar tone sang "Amassoma NDU, twele twele we dey ...

        I've done alot of things in my life, but what happened that Christmas Eve was all on the Devil. It was December 24th 2006, I remember quite vividly, Harmattan was tearing up the little flesh I had on me, stubborn me, refused to wear a shirt "Hard guy, Hard guy!", With my then over-flowing tap of a navel, I looked like a homeless child, I didn't care. I was with Grandma, I could do whatever I wanted and would get away with it. I went to the neighbor's house in search of Osaretin. We were so excited, Christmas was the next day, y'all know what that meant na, especially for 8 year olds, it sure meant alot to us.        Now Osaretin and I had gathered up some money for knockouts (bangers) and disco lights just for the fun of it, the greatest obstacle was convincing my big sister to show us where we could get the quality stuff. We begged and begged, I even battered my Christmas meat in exchange for this informatio...

"Why don't you like Uncle Hakeem? " "I don't know, I lowered my voice to a whisper. When I was going through his phone yesterday, I saw pornography and in one of them, there was a young girl, about 12 , Pere! She was my age... "Shut up! So you still haven't stopped this habit of yours of checking people's phone with permission eh? and how did you know it was pornography ehen? Do you even know the meaning of pornography? Pere glared at me and went to help mama in the kitchen. Back to Uncle Hakeem's first day as my home lesson tutor. I'd secretly prayed he wouldn't show up or his first son fell from a tree and broke his big head. Something, anything. Mum said she was heading out and would be back soon. "Open the door, only for Hakeem, when he comes, don't let him touch you o" I wanted to ask her exactly what she meant by "Touch" but she'd already left. Hakeem arrived and went straight to business, dad sa...