Yard Girl

I am a huge cry baby. I cry over every and anything, I cry when I think of the pain people go through when they lose the ones they love. I cry when I lose people I love. I try every time to fill my head with happy thoughts, I avoid sad movies, songs, generally, things that dampen my mood. I always want to be happy, optimistic, positive. I am happy to the point of being tagged unserious sometimes. Lol. I constantly search for happy outlets because just a single thought or word could cause PTSD and I'd begin to think up random unhappy things and boom I'm sad. Sadness is a pit I've fallen into so many times, it is so easy to get in and a herculean task to get out of and I'd rather totally avoid seeing that pit. On Death; I'd have loved to describe death with a parable but I can't. Death is an unwanted guest, it shows up at your doorstep and you can not tell it to leave even if you tried. The strange part about death is that it takes the seemingly "immortal...

  H eyyyyo !! Yard Girl here! It's a new month! Happy May!  So, I was going to do the new month new me thing but Nah! Scratch that. Same old. Same old but a whole lot of things are going to change with this new month. This girl is going to be a graduate! Big news, no? Massive news, yes? I'm excited, you know.  First off, there's something I just recently discovered, it's called The Post-Pandemic Effect, you know me and my theories. Lol. I'll explain.  The Post-Pandemic Effect is mostly common among students, it occurs when you've been temporarily uprooted from a certain routine for an unusual period and you're suddenly forced back into that system. Then it dawns on you, how do you adjust? Studying? Social life? Friends? Finances? Are you still going to fit in?  I had to leave my job when school resumed. I admit I got used to the money. The money was good. I loved that place. I still can't get over that money and my daily routine. Lol. Surviving on a mont...

  They did tell us many lies about this adulting thing. Many lies I say! One of the many things they "forgot" to mention is the Redundant Growth Phase. I don't know if you have experienced this but I have and still do. This phase is as weird as it sounds. It doesn't even feel like it's just a phase that will pass, this goes on from your teenage years to your adult years till when it feels like going away. Will this stage ever outgrow us?? I honestly have no idea. I'll try to explain this annoying phase. Imagine this: You, a fine young person, you know you have achieved a lot, you look at yourself in the mirror, a million and one dozen times and try to say how much proud you are of yourself but you just can't. Scratch the mirror. There's this constant feeling that the world has moved on and left you behind. Nobody wrote an official letter telling you the world is about to move. Nobody told you where it's moving to, but the world is moving and you ar...

  No jokes, it is what it is! I went from "I want to be a doctor" and evolved to "I want to be a pharmacist" and the monotone changed to "I want to be a lawyer" and now, I'm currently in my finals studying English, working a full-time job as a content developer/projects manager and being frustrated by the Nigerian government featuring ASUU. Na wah! Agreeably, all we wanted to do when we were younger was GROW UP! Now, I just want to put my life on pause and probably reverse this growth. Every day I wake up as an "adult" with more things to worry about. I'm low-key trying to catch cruise and chop life because problem no dey finish but the reality is still going stare me right in the face. We grew up with a lie "when you grow, you can do what you want" well, Auntie Bola, I'm all grown up now, but I can't do what I want because you lied to me, you didn't tell me getting into University would be as hard as trying to get...

Been a minute yeah?! What's good? What's Poppin? There's so much to catch up on. Well, these past months have been…. Overwhelming. I want to say it has been rosy but I'm gonna say it like it is. The most important thing is I'm alive to write this and you are alive to read this. What more could I ask for?  My country certainly has a way to rearrange your plans. I mean, I was supposed to be done with my undergraduate degree before I clocked 20 but E B things. ASUU got in the way, the pandemic backed it up and after 7 whole months just when it seemed the whole pandemic phase was over and we began to attend parties and discard face masks, the nationwide #Endsars protest -which I am very proud to have been part of- began. And it was and still is a mentally and physically draining part of Nigerian history because we are asking for one thing, just one thing; STOP KILLING US. And they still kill us for asking not to be killed. Wow! Just wow! I don't want to dive into ...

I wrote this especially for you. Yes, you! These are hard times, the economy is slowly turning upside down, there is a virus out there, your lifestyle has been in a way restricted, so much happening in, so little time. But, here you are alive, breathing, reading this and happy I believe. Ooin! You are doing well. The past few months has tested my will to live, when the lockdown started I would sit and complain about being bored, sometimes I would pray for it to end and sometimes bouts of depression threatened to take a hold of me. This is me appreciating myself and everyone in a somewhat similar situation for calming the raging storm in your soul, for being alive and keeping your head above the water. Dear You, there is a lot to celebrate about you, you have and are making progress, I applaud you for starting that project, I applaud you for finishing that project, for sending in your résumé, for taking on that job, for volunteering, for starting up your business, for being ...

I hadn't received holy communion in a long while, I just had to receive it today, something kept pulling me and I didn't realize that I was in front of the altar, palms ready to receive the body and blood of Christ. My mind was playing games on me, the priest looked exactly like the man I murdered last week. I blinked multiple times, it was him! Giving holy communion to parishioners, I tried to stand, but my body betrayed me, it felt like my knees were fixed to the ground. I looked up at the life-sized crucifix of the brunette Jesus Christ, it looked like the painted blood was actually flowing from his side, I bowed my head. ****** “Guy, I'm telling you, this is the last job you'll do for me. This is a special order bro, the pay is good, it will set you up for life” Ifechukwu was trying to convince me to do one more job after I plainly told him I was done when I collected my last paycheck. My last job was a clean one, it was my last, I wanted to be my last,...